Hand-wringing on The Front Porch
There is a young cat living on my porch. It has resided beneath my closet window for about a month now. We have not named this cat. We refer to it as “porch cat.” We are ignorant of its gender, because my mother taught me to learn the individual’s name before I inspect their private regions. I adhere to this rule religiously, and it has served both me and Porch Cat quite well.
Our relationship with Porch Cat began innocently enough. Late in the spring, I found a tiny teal collar on our doorstep. The nametag attached to it read, “Booze,” which would make a charming goblet tag. Then, one bright morning in July, I saw a patch of fur roughly the color of a chain-smoking polar bear balled up in my flower garden. When I stooped to inspect it, the impassive brown face of a somewhat Siamese cat turned to mine. I don’t like cats. I told it where to go, but with the kind of passive-aggressive temerity that cats simply don’t pick up on.
Every morning and every evening thereafter, Porch Cat lay concealed amongst the columbines and tulip stems. Perhaps Porch Cat perceived in our neighborhood the same potential I see. My house is situated two blocks from the Red Hot/Masa/Engine House 9 vortex, and 4 blocks from a used mattress store. Depending on which direction I amble, I can imagine I’m in a gritty urban film or an Ashton Kutcher rom-com. It’s possible that Porch Cat has picked up on this too. I think that’s why Porch Cat stays. I think Porch Cat is a dreamer.
Our neighbors keep a “cat house” with a warming lamp on their front porch, and I’m quite sure some kittens happened there. Porch Cat may be a result of that successful habitat management program. If indeed the collar and “Booze” tag belong to Porch Cat, it is improbable that any other surrounding neighbors are involved, since they are more advanced in years and don’t seem prone to naming things “Booze.”
A month ago, after two months of this incessant cat-in-the-garden business, The Bad Mistake happened: My wife gave in to temptation and called Porch Cat to her side. A connection was made and daily cuddle sessions ensued. Soon, Porch Cat could not live without a tidy kennel on our porch. Next, Porch Cat required kibble and water. Then, Porch Cat took upon itself the duty to bawl at us every time we enter or exit our home. Now, my wife is kept awake at night with worry that the possums might be making Porch Cat uncomfortable.
Porch Cat will never enter our home, though it would have long ago if it weren’t for my wife’s deathly allergies. But even so, I feel a weight of guilt, as if she has lured away our neighbor’s children or spouse – with vittles and baubles and fixings. And after the guilt, there is fear: what retaliation will we suffer once Porch Cat’s betrayal is manifest? Even if the retaliation never comes, what responsibilities come along with a lured cat? Will I be responsible to arrange the spaying or neutering of this Porch Cat? Will Porch Cat suffer from Stockholm Sydrome?
If you would like to comment on this perplexing moral dilemma, please feel free to do so. The rest of you might be interested in noting that it will soon be National Feral Cat Day (October 16). Tacoma cares about the travails of stray cats – see the City’s webpage on the topic here. For those further south, The Feral Cat Project in Lakewood will mark the occasion with a special clinic.
Is there a Porch Cat in your life? Is it morally reprehensible to casually provide food for an animal without taking immediate control of its sex life? Or perhaps there’s a figurative Porch Cat in your life – a person, idea or item that you’ve lured away from someone near you. If the “item” happens to be the stand for the GPS unit that was cajoled away from my car last week, please return it. Thanks.
18 comments
M Mike September 30, 2010
Soul-crushing perfectionism is my Porch Cat. Thanks for letting me say that out loud.
J Jennifer Boutell September 30, 2010
5 years ago, we took in a Porch Cat. She was living balled up on my friend’s porch in Lakewood, and was so tiny and vulnerable looking I was sure she was just an adolescent kitten.
Well, she was a full-grown Porch Cat, followed in short order by three Porch Kittens, and a quick spaying for the original Porch Cat. (At this point none of the cats were actually living on a porch, mind you.) 9 months later the Porch Kitten we kept gave birth to 6 porch kittens.
Before you consider the moral dilemma of whether or not you are responsible for Porch Cat’s sex life, consider this: would you and your wife be able to maintain the current arrangement with Porch Kittens? And what about their children? And their children? Etc.
I suspect Porch Cat is a male or you would have already experienced Porch Cat Heat. All the more reason to take care of things now, because a male Porch Cat is quite capable of producing an entire neighborhood of seductively cute front porch dwelling felines. At least take him/her in for a quick look-see, could be the issue has already been addressed.
J Justin September 30, 2010
I feel your pain however I myself have an indoor cat. Tucker has been my sole mate for 7 years now, all 25lbs of him.
Where I feel your pain is here:
I arrived from work to see my neighbors cat sun bathing on my porch. I instantly said “Justin don’t you dare feed that cat” My mom taught me, once you feed a cat its yours for life and they never go away.
I am torn, as I scared the cat back to my neighbors porch I could not help but think no one lives there. The neighbor moved out a month ago and clearly forgot to give the 30 day notice to their cat. So this black and white cat now is laying hopelessly on her porch waiting to be fed……. Insert torn heart now!
Just what the hilltop needs, another stray cat. It needs one of those as bad as it needs another stray shopping cart.
Growing up we had two outside cats. Smokey and Patches. These two cats would seriously walk my brother and I to the bus and then they would be waiting for us at the bus stop after school. Not to mention the endless prizes they left for us on the door step. Dead snakes, mice, rates birds and even a mole, my mom thought that was amazing! She gave them extra food the day the mole showed up!
I hate to break the news to you but once you fed that cat you now claimed ownership. You claim you have not named the cat but clearly you have “Porch Cat”, I think its cute. You must also suspect its sex as you referred to it as a “she”.
Keep it or ditch it, but don’t let it go un spayed or neuters. Make like Bob Barker and Spay and Neuter your animals!
C Christine September 30, 2010
Coalition Humane they offer low cost spay/neuter services in Tacoma. If you cannot afford to pay the fee they will do it for FREE!!!!!
Coalition Humane
253.627.SPAY (7729)
2106 Tacoma Avenue S.
Tacoma, WA 98402-1510
Feline neuter $35
Feline spay $45
Save a life, spay & neuter
R RR Anderson September 30, 2010
Thanks to my obsession with sunflowers our front yard is a cornucopia for Squirrels, Sparrows, Finches, Chickadees and Junkos. My lifestyle choice works out well for the one hundred and fifty or so cats that live next-door.
Give a cat a finch and you have fed him for today… yadda yadda
D D Childs September 30, 2010
Yes, I agree with Christine. Spay or neuter Porch Cat. The world doesn’t need more Porch Kittens. Coalition Humane is a great organization. The Humane Society also does low cost spay/neuter for feral cats. You will get great karma and your hands will get a break from all the wringin’
T tom waits September 30, 2010
i once had some neighbors, on both sides, who were porch cat fanatics. one person fed literally dozens of porch cats on her porch. the other behind my house in the alley, because her landlord got upset with nasty cat dishes behind her house. popular with the raccoons and opossums.
cats were constantly fighting in and around our yard. there was cat poop everywhere – under my porch and in my planter beds, on the neighbor’s porch. one day there was a pathetic mewing in our crawlspace, and i discovered a new porch kitten.
eventually the neighbor with the porch moved out of the house, leaving it and the generations of feral cats behind. the result was hellish – cats began sleeping on my porch and on the neighbors porches, pooping everywhere, leaving big clumps of hair on the lawn.
while she clearly had a love of feeding cats, i consider her actions morally reprehensible.
the world needs no unwanted cats. anyone who feeds a stray should take that cat in, get it spayed or neutered, and get it at least basic shots. or leave it at the shelter, and buy a humane society membership while you’re there.
S Squid September 30, 2010
Spay. There are two kinds of people in this world and Squid is a dog person.
M Ms. Cascadia September 30, 2010
Yes, for the love of all things good and holy, get Porch Cat fixed. When I moved into my house a few years back I discovered the neighbor was feeding a momma cat, which turned into five cats, which turned into eight cats, etc. I now have a herd of ferals I feed and watch over, and thanks to a hard-working cat trap – or in the case of one wily cat who refused to enter said trap, a salmon net – they’ve all been through Coalition Humane’s doors.
I have another neighbor whose porch cat had kittens. He asked for a ride to the Humane Society so they could be put down. I countered with an offer to help him trap and spay/neuter them, but he refused and continues to feed them. (Strange, considering he wants them dead.) Come spring the four cats will no doubt become a dozen. NO BEUNO!
As for Stockholm Syndrome, Porch Cat is not a hostage. Cats are simple creatures. What you’re providing must be better than what the previous owner, if any, was providing, otherwise Porch Cat would not be on your porch. So no need to feel guilty on that count.
R RR Anderson September 30, 2010
Cat steak
tastes of porcupine
Yummy yum
R RR Anderson September 30, 2010
HOMELESS:
Eat a cat, save lives.
solution!
M Mirror Dog September 30, 2010
This cat picked you. Accept it and help him. Besides getting Porch Cat spayed, the next task is to find him a good home. Besides the good karma it will bring, you’ll be also doing your neighborhood a favor. The domestic cat is not meant to be outside… they are incredibly destructive to plants and devastating to songbird populations.
P PointDexter October 1, 2010
Tacoma:
One.of.the.Best.Communities.to.Practice.Hinduism.and.Avoid.Bad.Karma.
F frazzlebee October 1, 2010
We have a neighbor two houses down who has a car in their yard. This car is barely seen through the shoulder-high grass. As a consequence, there is a mouse population.
We are new owners, and I recently discovered the previous owner was a “Porch Cat feeder.” This has resulted in numerous porch cats (I’ve counted about 6 different felines).
I am not a cat person, but have come to the realization that they are not going to go away. At least as long as my neighbors grow jungle grass. I simply call all of them “cat.” I choose not to shoo them off, and I certainly don’t encourage them being here.
All I can hope is that my wife is not secretly supplementing their diet in my absence.
R rick October 1, 2010
I like turtles.
M Mirror Dog October 1, 2010
Rethinking my previous response – - before you spay this cat and find him a home, I suppose you should first inquire around to see if he’s actually someone’s pet…
R Rick Jones October 2, 2010
Mirror Dog – “…before you spay this cat and find him a home…” find out what sex s-he is.
M Mirror Dog October 3, 2010
@ Rick Jones
Sure, I agree… that issue was covered in previous comments. The cat’s behavior suggests it’s male, so for the rest of the thread it’s been being referred to as a “he”.
Daniel: find out if this cat belongs to someone (is it spending nights on your porch especially in the upcoming cold weather? and if it’s as friendly as you say, it probably does have an owner). If no one cleaims it after your very-hard-good-faith search, however, then check its sex, get it fixed and find it a hoome please.